25 challenges for post early twenties adulthood

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Congratulations. You are now 25 years old and arguably an adult. Your early twenties are behind you, which means that you can no longer use young and reckless as an excuse for questionable decisions and considerable mistakes. People will now judge you for these actions and question your value as an adult. Ok, maybe turning 25 isn’t that serious. But I still think it is time to make some changes. 25 is not to be taken lightly, it is time to make some adjustments in your life and build the person you want to be for the rest of your life. Thus, I would like to present you with 25 challenges you set for yourself on your 25th birthday to be a more responsible 25 year old adult.

25 promises for 25

25. Moderate your drinking. 

You are too old to black out. Plain and simple. No one wants to babysit and no one wants to deal with your drunk ass. Now I know that you will still get out of control every once and a while, and that is ok, you are after all human. But seriously, stop blacking out.

24. Make fun of yourself:

When others do, it will help it hurt less.

23. Enjoy having too much:

Too much love, too much freedom, too much responsibility, too much sleep. These are good things and you should bask in the opulence that engulfs your life.

22. Never forget that YOU ARE CAPABLE:

You are capable of handling situations that you never thought imaginable. Boyfriends will dump you, friends will desert you and projects will completely fail; but that is ok. Never forget that life never gives you more than you can handle and you can overcome any situation.

21. Read more:

Pretty self-explanatory.

20. Embrace Loneliness:

Loneliness is not a bad thing, contrary to what every romance novel, cosmo article, and self-help book has ever said. Through loneliness we can better understand who we are and what we want out of the relationships in our lives. Learn to own your loneliness and never let it consume you completely. And never-ever let loneliness drive you back in to the arms of someone who hurt you in the past. It is better to be alone than to be a fool.

19. Argue. Debate. Disagree:

Never forget the importance of questions. Keep an open mind and listen to the opinions of others. Only through a thoughtful exchange of ideas can true understanding be achieved.

18. Stop lying to yourself:

A giant salad covered in dressing is not the healthiest option. “I’ll do it tomorrow” is not an excuse. He is not going to call you. And stop buying clothes that you think will “look perfect when you lose 5 pounds.” The sooner you accept realities of life the better off you will be.

17. Laugh Constantly. Laugh Freely:

Just because you are an adult now doesn’t mean everything has to be serious. Laugh whenever you can and enjoy the silly moments you have with your friends, family and community.

16. Thank your parents:

They are the reason you are the person you are now. Their endless support, encouragement and love is what brought you to where you are today and what has allowed you the opportunities you have had. Don’t ever let a chance to tell them how much they mean to you pass. Some day they will not be around for you to tell them how much you love them so make sure you take advantage of the time you have now. You know how incredible you think they are, so why not tell them that?

15. Evolve:

Be progressive. Challenge your identity every single day and never stop searching for ways to make yourself better.

14. Persist:

Don’t ever give up. You know what you want out of life so go out there and get it.

13. See the good in people:

Don’t judge someone before you get to know them. People are generally good and they just need to have that good brought out of them. Be that person. Be the person who brings out the good in others because they are the most important people on this planet.

12. Be authentic:

If you commit to something then you better follow through. Be your true self and don’t ever try to change yourself for someone else. If you want to veg out in your bed all day; do it. If you want to listen to Lady Gaga; do it. If you want to stay in and read a book instead of going out with friends; do it. Be who you want to be and no one else.

11. Take action:

If you want to see change happen then it is up to you to do it. This is especially true when it comes to PC service and Graduate school applications. Go out there and plan the training you want, organize a sports club at your school, fill out that fellowship application, complete your grad school applications and pursue the future you dream of. No one else can make it happen for you, only you have that power.

10. Be brave:

Try new things. Travel by yourself. Talk to a stranger. Open your heart. You may fail or you may end up hurt but that is a hell of a lot better than looking back and feeling like you missed out on a truly great experience.

9. Practice Positivity:

You are not an idiot. You know that not every day is rainbows and butterflies, but do yourself a favor and at least TRY to find the positive in every situation. No one likes a negative Nancy. You and your friends will thank you later. Plus, you will save a lot of wasted time. Who wants to look back and regret their negative attitude (this is especially true in regards to your PC service).

8. Don’t bail.

You are an adult now. Stop bailing on people. You hate when people do it to you, so don’t do it to them.

7. Open your heart:

Open your heart to friendships and love. Don’t guard yourself because you were hurt before. You will never develop meaningful relationships until you let yourself believe that you deserve the love others want to give you.

6. Forgive and let go:

Directly related to the above promise, let go of wrongs in your past and forgive yourself and others. Yes, you have made mistakes. Who hasn’t? Get over it and make sure you do better in the future. Heartbreak is part of the human experience. You have had your heart broken by boyfriends, friends and family and I can almost guarantee you will have your heart broken again. But forgive those people and move on. It’s what’s best for everyone.

5. Travel with an open mind:

See the world and appreciate every place for exactly what it is. Don’t compare every location to places you have been before. Let your travels change you.

4. Remember, your body is a temple.

Eat healthy, exercise often and love the body you are in. Tell yourself you are beautiful every single day; because you are! You have had this body for 26 years and you will have it for another 50+ so why not treat it that way? Trust me, 80 year old you will thank you for it.

3. Remember how blessed you are:

Don’t ever let a day go by where you don’t count your blessings. You are the luckiest girl in the world, and don’t you forget it.

2. Stop talking about people behind their backs

This is a two fold request. 1. you should stop talking about people behind their backs because it is childish and just plain unnecessary. It does no good for you and only makes you look like a mean, spiteful individual in the eyes of other people. 2. why do you feel the need to talk about someone else and judge who they are? Unless your friend is doing something to harm his or her self or someone else, what they do is really not your concern. You have lived long enough now to understand and accept that everyone is different and not exactly like you. That fact is what makes friendships and relationships so beautiful. Stop trying to change people. Embrace them.

1. Live. Your. Life.

You can plan your day, make countless to do lists, scheme all you want but it will not matter. Life will never follow your plan. Life does not care about your lists or schemes. When life throws you a curve just do your best to adjust and recalculate what you want and how you will achieve it. Stop trying to micromanage your life and more importantly stop judging yourself for not being exactly where you thought you would be at 26. Open your arms and embrace this crazy, beautiful life.

Congratulations, you 25 year old beauty! It’s time to own our late twenties.

5 Things No One Tells You About Living Abroad:

Living abroad is incredible. Don’t get me wrong, but it isn’t all late nights at the coffee shop with friends and adventures on cobble stone streets. In some cases even traveling abroad for a short amount of time can be a difficult and stressful experience, which is probably why only somewhere around 35% of Americans even own a passport.  There is a thrill and excitement that accompanies you as you pack all of your belongings and venture out to a new part of the world to create a new life. Your friends and family tell you that you are so brave and that they admire your independence. They tell you they envy the adventures you will have and muse over the amazing people you will meet. What they don’ tell you? Well, that is a whole different story.

5. The movies lie.

I grew up watching Disney Characters (yes, I’m talking about you Lizzy Macguire), pop stars and movie stars frolic around Europe on the back of mopeds. These beautiful young girls- who let’s be real, had no business traveling through Europe alone- escaped from their mundane reality back home and disappeared in to a life of romance, food and sightseeing. I remember being a delusional 16 year old packing for my first international trip to Spain and thinking that I would meet some handsome Spanish man and we would fall in love. I imagined that we would meet on the street one day and he would take me out for romantic dinners and show me around the city. Of course this would happen, who wouldn’t want to show an awkward American teenager around a city? This in fact did not happen. Shocker. I had an amazing trip to Spain but I did not get invited on to the back of some handsome man’s moped. Thanks for getting a girls hopes up, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.

Now fast forward to 25 year old bitter me- 9 years and 7 countries later and I am here to tell you that living abroad as portrayed in the movies is still one big lie. In the movies it seems like it is all rainbows and butterflies and that once you show up everything will just fall in to place. This is false. Living abroad can come with a huge list of setbacks and problems. From setting up visas and registration papers to opening a bank account to finding an apartment nothing is simple. However, these setbacks and challenges contribute to the overall experience and will ultimately make you a stronger and well balanced person. I now measure my day by personal victories: McKenzie: 1, Ukraine: 0.

You will cry. You will question why you are here and you will ultimately stuff your face with local ice cream bars. But these struggles and bad days add to the experience and make the good days that much sweeter. You will waste days with new friends, integrate in to a new community, participate in local traditions and get to know so much more about yourself.  While traveling and living in foreign countries you will have endless opportunities to meet amazing people, whether fellow travelers or natives, and these people may impact your life in ways you never imagined. The good and the bad experiences of living abroad are what make the life complete. So the next time you find youself cursing the local customs of whatever place you are just know that another life changing experience is likely right around the corner.

4. Sometimes you will hate your adopted country.

I live in Ukraine and I will go on the record and say that I love this country. I truly do. I see so many beautiful things on a daily basis and have met so many incredible people. But living abroad is like being in a relationship with someone- there are ups and downs. I am currently in a relationship with Ukraine and when Ukraine doesn’t fulfill a need, or if Ukraine lets me down when I need him the most, I will get annoyed and probably a little upset.  I am human and I think that it is ok for me to get a little pissed sometimes about facets of life here. Like with any relationship, you should never bottle your feelings up until they explode leaving a big mess. Aint nobody got time for that.

I will have days where I curse the weather (all of winter), I will shake my head at what I consider to be a backwards way of doing something, and I will question my life here and everything I am. I am entitled to these feelings. On any given day I will sway from complete content to complete distain. Like when the post office claims they don’t have your package yet even though you have checked the tracking number and are certain it is there (I am on to you). When I find myself getting worked up I just step back and take a breath. A little controlled breathing does wonders for a person’s mental sanity. Yes, controlled breathing and wine are a girl’s best friend.

These bad days will never even come close to the amount of good days I have. For every negative encounter with an angry babushka or marshrutka driver there are always at least 2 friendly shop keeper exchanges, and those keep me going.  The small victories mentioned above and the friends who brighten my day assure me that I am right where I am supposed to be.

3. You will be lonely, and that is OK.

This makes me remember a scene from the movie ‘Eat, Pray Love” where Liz is having a hard time adjusting to her life after divorce. She says:

“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience.”

Life in a new country can be lonely. You are far from your friends, family and the comforts that made life back home so safe and secure. I spend a large variety of my time in Ukraine alone and at first that was incredibly hard to get used to. I was familiar with being surrounded by people and never really having time to sit and be alone with my thoughts. But in Ukraine I can’t call up my friends to go out and grab some dinner, or jump in my car and drive to my parent’s house for the night; instead my friends became tv shows and cheesy romantic comedies. This situation was made worse by the fact that I arrived at my site during the dead of winter and was faced with months of pent up solitude inside a big, quiet apartment.

But I made it. I’ve been in country for 7 months and I made it through my first winter. Now the sun is shining and the city has come alive. My winter experience made me realize that it is ok to be lonely. I can own that loneliness and use those feelings to transform me in to a more well-rounded person. I own my loneliness and embrace my time alone in my apartment because it is teaching me who I really am.

2. Learning a new language will make you want to stick your head in the oven.

“I can learn Ukrainian. I mean I did take Spanish for 5 years and live in South Africa.” After 7 months in Ukraine I can tell you that my reasoning prior to coming here was deeply flawed and neither of these experiences helped me as I thought they would. Learning a new language as an adult is hard, plain and simple. I think all languages are difficult but I would like to point out that Ukrainian is especially hard because it involves a completely different alphabet. During our first 3 months in Ukraine we had 4 hours of language classes a day and we practiced nonstop with our host families. However, once on my own at site I stopped having the controlled language lessons I was used to and did not have to speak with a host family anymore. I will admit that I am disappointed that my language has suffered and I wish I would practice more. However, I still believe I can turn it around and the best way to practice and improve is to get out there and communicate with people, make friends and speak to strangers you meet. I am certain that I will never learn Ukrainian from a book, I need to motivate myself and just get out there and try. In the meantime I will embrace my language errors and just laugh at myself when I say “bitch” instead of “sugar.”

1. Your life will still not feel complete. 

I often hear people talking about their desire to live abroad and more often than not these sweeping declarations are made following a nasty break up or a change in employment. People have a tendency to run away from problems in life rather than facing them head on, myself included. This is not to say that everyone who lives abroad fits into this category but you have to admit that usually a person who moves abroad feels some kind of incompleteness in their life and their adventure abroad is meant to fill that void.

Spoiler alert: moving abroad will not fill that void. Only you can fill that void. And your life will not be made complete because of a move to a new city; your life will feel complete because you have found what you are looking for. I am using my time abroad to figure out who I am and what I want. I hope to embrace the qualities about myself that I like and change the ones I don’t. My life may not be complete but living abroad is helping me get closer to the person I want to be.

A Triumphant Return! Kind of...

Well folks, I am back. I have been away from this blog for almost 5 months and I apologize for that. Back in September I packed up my life and hopped on a plane to Ukraine. I now live in a small town in Western Ukraine and am having the most incredible, albeit challenging, time of my life.

I started a word press blog to document my experiences but it is targeted towards my family and friends. It strictly documents my weekly experiences and does not get drastically personal. 

You can check it out here

All posts are password protected because of Peace Corps requirements but the password is Ukraine

However, now that I am settled in and trying to create a new life for myself here I find that I am in desperate need of a place to vent about life, love, fashion and travel. I have had some pretty rough days lately and after lying awake AGAIN last night I realized that writing is a cathartic experience for me and it may be necessary.  So I have decided to pick back up on this blog- but don't worry, I won't always be complaining. 

Today I want to vent. I am frustrated because I feel like every time I take 1 step forward in further developing myself I end up taking 2 steps back. Recently I made a few stupid decisions when it came to drinking and boys. Now I feel stupid, and lost, and sad. My friends say I am being to hard on myself but I just can't help it. Last night I read this article on Thought Catalog and one line really hit me hard.....

"I understand that sometimes we get caught up in a moment, but I don’t want my life to be a series of moments that cannot be sustained once the party is over."

After reading this line I just sat and stared at the computer. I have made so many stupid mistakes in my life and I really thought I had outgrown that phase of my life. Maybe we never stop making mistakes. But does it ever get easier to deal with them in the days, weeks, months, that follow?  After I broke up with who I thought was the love of my life I jumped in to a meaningless relationship that was emotionally damaging. I have spent the last two years trying to deal with that past. Deal with the break up with someone who made me so happy. Deal with the breakup with someone who changed me in to a person I never wanted to be. And deal with the reality of being single for the first real time in 6 years. Recently I was in a really good place, I know I still am but I have just hit a rough patch and need to push through it. I feel so happy in Ukraine. I have made amazing friends and am doing things that are bigger than myself. I thought that maybe I am ready for a relationship- I didn't meet anyone who I wanted to pursue a relationship with but I was at least open to the idea for once. Then something happened over a drunken weekend with friends and I wound up feeling so stupid and so weak. It's not that I wanted to date this person, I absolutely did not, but I didn't want to be treated like I meant nothing. It's a terrible feeling and one that will take me a while to recover from. 

Now I have to deal with my decisions and face up to the consequences, whatever they may pan out to be. But at the same time I am now once again full of self doubt and insecurity wondering if I will ever meet the right guy for me. Maybe I missed my shot at a perfect guy. I just don't know. Maybe I will never know. 

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